there's many a times when i tend to drift into this detached-from-reality-dreaming-outside-my-sleep mode.
these times i always let my mind wander,contemplate the circumstances of several happenings,dwelling in histroy,picturing idealistic futures...
i wander and wonder...
why did she smile at me?
what's the reason behind my horrific injury?
why can't i sing well?
what if my family was different?
why did i turn out the way i am?
why did i fall for you?
why?what if?how?
so many other questions.no one can answer them except me i think.there's no time for experiments tho because whateva i do has a direct impact on the lives of many.
i have not walked for 30 hours now.according to ning shan i may face 3 months of no running,one month of no walking.
i may hv to inject my knee even for duno wat medical terms and bull load.im afraid.i need tender loving care honestly.i dun care if that's gay or wat but all i need now is just you.
and i remember all to clearly the nightmare that intruded on my sleep last nite.somehow the injury has brought me closer to the reality of mortality.we are vulnerable and this injury could easily have been a fatal accident instead and it could have easily happened any time any place.i wanna start living it up.cherishing my loved ones and doing the things that i would normally reserve for a 'one day'.
but that's is directly contradicting against my fear of loving and hurting somebody.`